Before I start this, I remember what Anushka told me last week when she was going all hyper for something and I said, 'Anushka, patience please'. She tells me: Mom, I am not a doctor. I don't have 'patients'. lollll. Anyways, to the topic.
I suffer from a rather quirky deficiency. Patience. Have always run very low on it. And I have yet to come across any 'multi-vitamin' that would help me with getting my levels up to the generically 'acceptable' ones.
They say 'good things come to those who wait'. But wait, I can’t. Agreed, that there are times when one does need to practice self-control with his actions as well as the verbal outbursts, especially in trying circumstances. Hurting someone else does not justify your impulsiveness. But how do I teach this self-control to this crazy brain and an absolute jerk of a heart?
They say 'Time is the best healer'. I would add, 'Time is also the best killer'. As you let time crawl in and let it mess with your very own feelings and visions, it acts as a slow poison. It’s like leaving a window open in your heart that is bursting with enthusiasm and excitement with your new thoughts and aspirations. A cool draft will make its way through this window and eventually dampen your spirit and mood. There is a quote that says 'Strike when the iron is hot', right? Time makes you complacent. Time extinguishes your fiery rage. Time kills your true spirit. Time brings you back to your sane ways. Time brings back the logic in your life.
Ya, ya, being hasty could possibly lead to regrets. But by following your instincts, you invariably prepare yourself for the consequences too. Hence, no matter the result, you will stand by the decision you took. After all, you did what you thought was right at that point of time, correct?
Remember, 'Intuition is a suspension of logic, due to impatience'. For just one brief second, do something totally impulsive. Something you ideally would resist. Could be as simple as yelling your lungs out. The feeling you experience therafter will be etched in your memory for a lifetime and liberate you from your fears and inhibitions. Forget regrets, it will actually make you smile.
My intention here by no means is to encourage 'Impatience'. Blessed are the ones who are in possession of this great virtue. But I do not thrive on it. I thrive on my restlessness, annoyance, excitement and rage and I know no way to suppress it. My intention is purely to 'Inspire, and be inspired'. Mind you,
If patience supports the weak,
Impatience ruins your strength too!!!
Double-edged sword huh???? :)
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Drops n buds!!
The sky had lullaby'ed me with it's heavenly songs,
I had slipped into my dream world;
But when the sun pushed it's rays fiercely through the clouds,
The birds said 'hello', and graciously bowed!
The 'pitter-patter' on the grass, wakes the bud from their winter slumber,
Unfurl their tiny petals , to spread beauty in it's little splendour.
The trees turn white and pink,
The foliage a lush green!
The air is clear, distilled and distinct,
with the dampness of the mud, and smell of 'Spring';
Squirrels scurry away, in search of acorns,
Beauty animates in its natural instinct!
I feel happy, and sad too,
Coz there is beauty in bliss, and in sadness too,
As I see people go 'acchoo', 'acchoo'! :)
Allergies 'spring' at their peak,
pollens and blossoms, all compete;
Who is it that will 'weep' the most,
Jitu, Rupal, or the ghost!!!!! (lolllll)
Out comes the tissues and allergy pills,
makes you wonder, the biting cold or the flower frills;
Well, with all good, cometh always sorrow,
so weep, wail, yell or shout,
The rabbits are coming out from their burrow!!!
I had slipped into my dream world;
But when the sun pushed it's rays fiercely through the clouds,
The birds said 'hello', and graciously bowed!
The 'pitter-patter' on the grass, wakes the bud from their winter slumber,
Unfurl their tiny petals , to spread beauty in it's little splendour.
The trees turn white and pink,
The foliage a lush green!
The air is clear, distilled and distinct,
with the dampness of the mud, and smell of 'Spring';
Squirrels scurry away, in search of acorns,
Beauty animates in its natural instinct!
I feel happy, and sad too,
Coz there is beauty in bliss, and in sadness too,
As I see people go 'acchoo', 'acchoo'! :)
Allergies 'spring' at their peak,
pollens and blossoms, all compete;
Who is it that will 'weep' the most,
Jitu, Rupal, or the ghost!!!!! (lolllll)
Out comes the tissues and allergy pills,
makes you wonder, the biting cold or the flower frills;
Well, with all good, cometh always sorrow,
so weep, wail, yell or shout,
The rabbits are coming out from their burrow!!!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Holi and a colorful reverie!!!
It's Holi today and all my friends/family in India are making me jealous by posting their horribly-colored faces, almost inrecognizable pictures on Facebook. This takes me down the memory gulli to my days when I was a part of the 'Baccha-party'. Waking up at 6 am to fill water balloons. I never learnt how to tie it and hence, always used a thread. (Ya ya!!! I suck at a lot of things.)The balcony war would start at about 9ish. Gulshan 1 versus Gulshan 2. I was at a big big advantage coz I lived on Floor 9. Then about 10ish, equipped with a bucketful of balloons, a couple of pouches of dark red, purple or green color, and a few odd pichkaris amongst ourselves, we would head out to greet our allies (read the building boys)on the ground. What ensued was a lot of running, scurrying, hiding, and screaming. Our faces were beyond recognition and mom would not let us enter the house till she had covered the route uptil the bathroom with some towels so as to not spoil the precious floor. The maid had already done the jaadu-fatka yaar ;). And I would love when inspite of some severe scrubbing, the color wouldn't leave some part of the face, especially the earlobes, remember?
That was holi then. Now, we wait until the weekend to celebrate a 'Holi party' in a carpeted hall with mirrored walls, hence no gulaal and pichkaris. We carefully select the face paints (FDA approved, 'safe-on-skin' labeled) and then proceed to blush our faces with different hues of the primary palette. Nevertheless, it still very much is fun. To dip our hands in color and leave no friend clean and nice, its enthralling. It's bringing the childhood, that was hiding behind our adulthood/parenthood, to its wake and re-live its joy - the colorful, vibrant, glowing joy.
We combine this with performances, dance and/or skits, not only for our children to get a splash into our culture and the story behind Holi, but also for us, to get out of our inhibitions and mundane lives and sparkle it with the excitement as well as fringe it with the nervous butterflies.
But as we, in US of A, try hard to celebrate Holi the 'good ole' way, as much as we can, I have heard India, has advanced to a level that seems 'too modern' enough to give us a culture-shock. I am hearing of 'Dora'and 'Spiderman' pichkaris, robot-shaped water guns, color spray cans, organic and herbal gulaals, and wait, it gets better.......water-slide rentals for the garden parties, beer showers, vodka lassis, tequilla pani-puris, dholis from Rajasthan, etc etc. Cool, huh???
I wouldn't want to comment on whether it's taking the tradition out of the festival. Times change, and new ideas will definitely 'pour' in. As long as you keep the spirit of 'brotherhood' alive while you soak yourself with the fancy fuggas, Holi will live on!!!
Wish you all a very happy Holi!
That was holi then. Now, we wait until the weekend to celebrate a 'Holi party' in a carpeted hall with mirrored walls, hence no gulaal and pichkaris. We carefully select the face paints (FDA approved, 'safe-on-skin' labeled) and then proceed to blush our faces with different hues of the primary palette. Nevertheless, it still very much is fun. To dip our hands in color and leave no friend clean and nice, its enthralling. It's bringing the childhood, that was hiding behind our adulthood/parenthood, to its wake and re-live its joy - the colorful, vibrant, glowing joy.
We combine this with performances, dance and/or skits, not only for our children to get a splash into our culture and the story behind Holi, but also for us, to get out of our inhibitions and mundane lives and sparkle it with the excitement as well as fringe it with the nervous butterflies.
But as we, in US of A, try hard to celebrate Holi the 'good ole' way, as much as we can, I have heard India, has advanced to a level that seems 'too modern' enough to give us a culture-shock. I am hearing of 'Dora'and 'Spiderman' pichkaris, robot-shaped water guns, color spray cans, organic and herbal gulaals, and wait, it gets better.......water-slide rentals for the garden parties, beer showers, vodka lassis, tequilla pani-puris, dholis from Rajasthan, etc etc. Cool, huh???
I wouldn't want to comment on whether it's taking the tradition out of the festival. Times change, and new ideas will definitely 'pour' in. As long as you keep the spirit of 'brotherhood' alive while you soak yourself with the fancy fuggas, Holi will live on!!!
Wish you all a very happy Holi!
Monday, February 27, 2012
YOUR MIND - NUMB AND DUMB!
Your mind is like a super computer, right? Ziiggggggzaaggggingggg, continuously processing data. Data that comes from our 5 senses:
Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste and Touch.
Oops, I forgot the sixth sense.
Our intuition.
What does it do with all this data?
-Run it through our intelligence unit,
-compare it with the generically acceptable norms,
-filters the data according to the personal taste, temperament and attributes, and then
-presents it in two modes: verbal, and action. Correct?
Result: Our feelings. Feelings of content, frustration, pride, anger, sorrow, worry, happiness, etc. This defines our ‘mood’. Mood, aka mode. Whoaaa!!!! I just described the most complex scientific phenomenon of our brain in the most technical verbology and format (notice the spacing ;). I should change my profession. Technical writer it is!!!!!
Anyways, let’s talk about controlling this process. What part of the above can be controlled? And should it be controlled?
Data collection: Totally factual. Objective. No control needs to be exercised.
Intelligence testing: Again, an inherited and custom-developed processing unit, alteration not possible.
Comparison: Optional. At the discretion of the user. But, often unavoidable, in most circumstances.
End-result: CONTROL, huh????
Again, controlling amounts to ‘suppression’, and not controlling amounts to ‘stupidity’. Language, being the most powerful expression tool. Language, thoughts, influenced through perception and your own individualized self-image.
If you have noticed, we are more susceptible to a certain train of thoughts than the other. Some, we are able to ignore and not get as affected, while the others stir stomach-churning emotions in us and make us weak and vulnerable.
And there are certain ideas, desires, or let’s say even ambitions, that have built over years not because you really want to achieve them, but have developed unconsciously in your mind purely through outside influence, parents, peers, society, etc.
Does this make any sense to you? Does it seem disjointed, this above line of thoughts? Exactly, my point. We are disjointed most of the times. Clarity is what most of us lack. The road ahead of us is blurred to us coz we are painting our glasses the color we don’t like. Lack of vision leads to confusion, indecisiveness, conflicts within ourselves, conflicts within our ideals and feelings, pure chaos in the little head above our fragile neck.
I hope. I hope that there will be a day, that will dawn so beautifully, with the most lovely hues of the color palette adorning the sky. The rays will glisten the blades on the grass, and I will put down my fancy sun glasses and learn to see with my own eyes. I will be me, I will be myself.
Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste and Touch.
Oops, I forgot the sixth sense.
Our intuition.
What does it do with all this data?
-Run it through our intelligence unit,
-compare it with the generically acceptable norms,
-filters the data according to the personal taste, temperament and attributes, and then
-presents it in two modes: verbal, and action. Correct?
Result: Our feelings. Feelings of content, frustration, pride, anger, sorrow, worry, happiness, etc. This defines our ‘mood’. Mood, aka mode. Whoaaa!!!! I just described the most complex scientific phenomenon of our brain in the most technical verbology and format (notice the spacing ;). I should change my profession. Technical writer it is!!!!!
Anyways, let’s talk about controlling this process. What part of the above can be controlled? And should it be controlled?
Data collection: Totally factual. Objective. No control needs to be exercised.
Intelligence testing: Again, an inherited and custom-developed processing unit, alteration not possible.
Comparison: Optional. At the discretion of the user. But, often unavoidable, in most circumstances.
End-result: CONTROL, huh????
Again, controlling amounts to ‘suppression’, and not controlling amounts to ‘stupidity’. Language, being the most powerful expression tool. Language, thoughts, influenced through perception and your own individualized self-image.
If you have noticed, we are more susceptible to a certain train of thoughts than the other. Some, we are able to ignore and not get as affected, while the others stir stomach-churning emotions in us and make us weak and vulnerable.
And there are certain ideas, desires, or let’s say even ambitions, that have built over years not because you really want to achieve them, but have developed unconsciously in your mind purely through outside influence, parents, peers, society, etc.
Does this make any sense to you? Does it seem disjointed, this above line of thoughts? Exactly, my point. We are disjointed most of the times. Clarity is what most of us lack. The road ahead of us is blurred to us coz we are painting our glasses the color we don’t like. Lack of vision leads to confusion, indecisiveness, conflicts within ourselves, conflicts within our ideals and feelings, pure chaos in the little head above our fragile neck.
I hope. I hope that there will be a day, that will dawn so beautifully, with the most lovely hues of the color palette adorning the sky. The rays will glisten the blades on the grass, and I will put down my fancy sun glasses and learn to see with my own eyes. I will be me, I will be myself.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Great Expectations!!!
A follow-up on my earlier blog. Not that I am trying to delve into the dismal abyss of psychology. I call it dismal coz the deeper you get, the more complicated and mind-fogging it gets. The human mind is an object of the greatest mystery....capable of feeling the most extreme of emotions at any point of time.
The wise men say 'Lower your expectations, or improve your reality - two ways to achieve happiness'. Expectation being the keyword here. How hard or easy is it to separate this emotional phenomenon from our social being and stay in harmony with 'as is'? How does one 'un-feel' the anguish of attachments that sometimes hurt? How does one break free from the hopes and dreams that lie in our subconscious mind? Mind you, some of these 'expectations' stay hidden from us only to spring in front of our eyes in case of a sudden surprise or disappointment. How do you control something not visible most of the time?
Lowering expectations would probably lead you down to the path of detachment. To the path meant only for you to tread on. Here, you wouldn't have to worry about anyone else's needs or desires or dreams or wants or even fears. Here, it would be you, just you. Unshaped by anyone. A naked, true YOU. Free, albeit, lonely.
So, being lonely, can be both, happy as well as sad. Hmmm!!! Food for thought, huh?
So how do I 'not' expect? Can I 'not' expect? Should I 'not' expect? Well, I think I won't try to control my natural innane self that expects, either consciously or unconsiously. I just need to figure out how to handle disappointments. ;) Dream I will, but will learn how to arise. Fly I will, but with a parachute. Swim I will, but with a life jacket ;). Does that sound like a good plan????
The wise men say 'Lower your expectations, or improve your reality - two ways to achieve happiness'. Expectation being the keyword here. How hard or easy is it to separate this emotional phenomenon from our social being and stay in harmony with 'as is'? How does one 'un-feel' the anguish of attachments that sometimes hurt? How does one break free from the hopes and dreams that lie in our subconscious mind? Mind you, some of these 'expectations' stay hidden from us only to spring in front of our eyes in case of a sudden surprise or disappointment. How do you control something not visible most of the time?
Lowering expectations would probably lead you down to the path of detachment. To the path meant only for you to tread on. Here, you wouldn't have to worry about anyone else's needs or desires or dreams or wants or even fears. Here, it would be you, just you. Unshaped by anyone. A naked, true YOU. Free, albeit, lonely.
So, being lonely, can be both, happy as well as sad. Hmmm!!! Food for thought, huh?
So how do I 'not' expect? Can I 'not' expect? Should I 'not' expect? Well, I think I won't try to control my natural innane self that expects, either consciously or unconsiously. I just need to figure out how to handle disappointments. ;) Dream I will, but will learn how to arise. Fly I will, but with a parachute. Swim I will, but with a life jacket ;). Does that sound like a good plan????
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2012
Its been ages since I wrote here. Its 2012. The numbers keep going up. But I still haven't found my peace. There is no place on this Earth that would bring an honest smile of content and serenity on my face. And if there is, it probably is inaccessible. My quest continues. My journey goes on!
Somebody once told me 'Count your blessings Sheetal'. Yes, I do have a roof over my head. Yes, I do have clothes to keep me warm. Yes, I do have food to eat. Yes, I do have kids that fill up the house. And its not that I don't appreciate it. I do know there are a million people in this world who fight for these very basic survival necessities. But my soul and my heart is lost. Lost in a desert. These eyes ocassionally chance upon the glisten of water. But it soon realizes that it's merely a mirage. I still have a long way to go.......with no destination in mind. I just go on as an unknown power pushes me to.
Somebody once told me 'Take life in your hands'. Its yours and you live the way you want it. For this, I will need to go hunt within myself for that courage that'll give me the power to walk my own step and not look at what I leave behind.
If this blog is any indication to the turmoil in my mind and heart, so be it. We all live with our frustrations and put on a happy grin as if all's well. For some, this works. For me, I'll just plug in my headphones and drown myself in the music that fills up my ears and head. I'll dream and I'll try to make meaning of the words that swim out. May be I'll find my inspiration somewhere, someday. And may all of you find it too.
Somebody once told me 'Count your blessings Sheetal'. Yes, I do have a roof over my head. Yes, I do have clothes to keep me warm. Yes, I do have food to eat. Yes, I do have kids that fill up the house. And its not that I don't appreciate it. I do know there are a million people in this world who fight for these very basic survival necessities. But my soul and my heart is lost. Lost in a desert. These eyes ocassionally chance upon the glisten of water. But it soon realizes that it's merely a mirage. I still have a long way to go.......with no destination in mind. I just go on as an unknown power pushes me to.
Somebody once told me 'Take life in your hands'. Its yours and you live the way you want it. For this, I will need to go hunt within myself for that courage that'll give me the power to walk my own step and not look at what I leave behind.
If this blog is any indication to the turmoil in my mind and heart, so be it. We all live with our frustrations and put on a happy grin as if all's well. For some, this works. For me, I'll just plug in my headphones and drown myself in the music that fills up my ears and head. I'll dream and I'll try to make meaning of the words that swim out. May be I'll find my inspiration somewhere, someday. And may all of you find it too.
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